Are you dead?
I was walking in a quiet neighborhood yesterday morning. I walk 30 minutes in the morning as a part of my meditation practice. It was very quiet and nobody was around. All of sudden, a car drove by and somebody shouted loud "ARE YOU DEAD?!". It was young male voice. I was shocked and felt adrenalin rushed through my body. Was he shouting at me? I didn't want to believe, but he was. There was nobody around me. In my head, was I looking like a dead person walking? Maybe so, for him, I was looking down and walking like dead.
Not really knowing the real reason, since June, I have been working on my inner dialogues and clearing karmic seeds which buried deep inside of me. During a full moon in July, my inner child came out. She was expressing her true feeling of misery. She was having temper tantrum and crying nonstop. Every time I talked about my inner child, I physically started crying like 6 year old girl. My inner child said "don't do that! Forget the study!, instead just give me your full attention!" After 3 days of crying, I had to deal with her. I bring her out (imagining her) and talk to her and dress up with a new dress every day. I told her how beautiful and how smart she is. Now my inner child is ok and happy, but more stuff continued to come. Even an old wound from my past life showed up.
I have experienced a chilling feeling in my spine when I saw this man last year. He is a good person, but I couldn't shake the feeling. So one day I asked him what is the deal between us? He didn't know but he meditated and got some answer. He was my father in my past life and I was a youngest and only daughter. He lost his wife and became very abusive and sold me to get alchohole. He didn't know how I will react with it, but I said immediately "it is all forgiven!". He was so surprised that I could say that so quickly.
Doing inner work, It made so much sense. I suspected that I might experienced some kind of sever violation but I never had the experience in current life. Now I know and I understood it was running in my life.
Even though I said it was all forgiven, later I found out that my inner child was so scared to be hurt again by him, just even a hint of unexpected behavior. So, I asked my wise friend J to help me. He said "you have to forgive yourself about putting yourself in the situation. Even you are a victim. You have to forgive yourself. You don't know how many times I had to forgive myself!". Wow, ok... Then later on I learned this technique. I bring all of his pieces out from me and send them back. Then I bring all of my pieces from him and purify and bring them back to me with grace and ease. Then cut cords between us. Next day, I felt lighter and happier.
Yesterday was highly anticipated Solar Eclipse day. Am I dead? Am I dead enough? Did the old part of myself dead? Did I dead enough to move on to a new phase of my life? Yes! I have been purging and working on myself to prepare for this event. Just in time, I cleared and cut off my old old stuff no longer can exist after Eclipse.